Decisions

We had a follow up appointment with the dermatologist yesterday. She said both of Emma's birthmarks look great, and she is developing normally. Yay! She also gave us the number for plastic surgery so we could schedule a consult if we wish. She noted they wouldn't start anything until she's at least a  year, and also reiterated her thoughts that they would not be able to remove all of her nevus. This tiny little bit of information, just a phone number, has given me so many feelings. I. Am. Terrified. Terrified of everything. Terrified of my baby having to go through surgery. Terrified of her "quality of life" if we don't go with removal. Terrified of making the wrong choice for her. Terrified that if we do go for removal, she will be left with horrible scars on her face anyway. I had a hard time with her being put under just for her MRI, I don't know how I will be able to deal with surgery. When Jordyn was 5 or 6, she had her adenoids removed and tubes put in her ears. The nurses told me not to cry because it would make her more upset. I did my best, but it was hard. And she was much older than Emma, and getting a much less intense procedure.

At this point I have no idea what we are going to do. There are days where I feel like removal is the only option, and there are others where I feel she's perfect just the way she is, and there is no need to entertain the idea. (Which she is. I just know there are horrible people in the world, and they won't see her that way. It would be wonderful if we could all just love each other as we are, but unfortunately that is not the case) At any rate, we don't have to make any decisions any time soon, and once we have a consult we will have so much more information to help us make one. I just hope that in the end, the decision we come to is the right one.